Report from Planet Xorgax

For those who have had enough with the battle over Brett Kavanaugh's nomination to the Supreme Court, I thought I would update you about what's happening on Planet Gorgax where, by coincidence, a similar debate is going on.

The politics on Planet Gorgax is similar to our own, with power more or less evenly divided between two political parties, the Thoogs and the Gurphs.  Thoog Emporer Biggott has nominated a new judge to serve on the Imperial High Court.  Judge Klorphan requires confirmation by the Imperial Senate before he can be seated.

The process was problematic from the beginning.  Even when Judge Klorphan was nominated three months ago, Emporer Biggott was under investigation for crimes against the Empire.  It didn't help matters any when, a month later, the Emporer's former lawyer implicated him him in a criminal act.  The following month, the Emporer's former campaign manager, who himself had been convicted on 8 felony charges earlier, agreed to cooperate with the team investigating the Emporer.

Given that the Emporer had been implicated in a crime, and was under active investigation for crimes against the Empire, it would be fair to assume that the Senate wouldn't consider any nomination made by the Emporer.  Instead, the Thoog-controlled Imperial Senate proceeded with the confirmation process in what can only be described as an act of sheer partisanship.

The next major development occurred about a month ago, when it was discovered that Judge Klorphan had lied under oath during his previous confirmation hearings, lies that he repeated again to the Imperial Senate.  The Imperial High Court has a long tradition of its members upholding the highest ethical standards, and it's hard to imagine that these lies themselves didn't end Judge Klorphan's ambitions then and there.  But again, this discovery went largely ignored by the highly-partisan Thoogs in the Imperial Senate.

Then, just about a week later, a bombshell news release detailed a female Xorgaxian's claims that when Judge Klorphan was an adolescent, he consumed too much kluuk and attacked her, climbed on top of her, and tried to take her clothes off --- presumably in an attempt to rape her.  A week later, a different female alleged that Judge Klorphan had sexually assaulted her as well, this time when he was a young man.  Three days later, a third woman came forward with a sworn oath that, while not accusing Judge Klorphan of sexually assaulting her personally, stated that as a young Xorgaxian he had regularly engaged in sexually aggressive behavior, likely but not definitely including gang rape.

These allegations understandably threw the confirmation process into chaos.

Judge Klorphan naturally denied the allegations, but they weren't easy to sweep aside.  Independent analysts have declared all three women's stories credible for a number of reasons.  What's puzzling is the way Judge Klorphan and his Thoog supporters are reacting.

One might choose to avoid a discussion of Klorphan's guilt or innocence by ending the nomination process entirely, and requesting that Emporer Biggott simply choose another judge with less baggage.  But failing that, one would expect that all parties would welcome a full investigation into the allegations by law enforcement --- either to verify the allegations of the women (and thus avoid seating a sexual predator and possible rapist on the Imperial High Court), or to clear the judge's name.  This is what all Xorgaxians should want.

But strangely, although the Gurph Senators requested exactly such an investigation, the Thoog Senators refused to ask for one, and Emporer Biggott refused to order one.  Even more strangely, Judge Klorphan repeatedly refused to demand an investigation --- preferring, it seems, to live the rest of his life under a cloud rather than demand the one thing that could prove him innocent.

This stonewalling seemed for all the world like a partisan power-play on the part of Emporer Biggott and the Thoogs, and it made Judge Klorphan look like a Xorgaxian with something to hide.

The stench of partisanship became more pungent when the Thoogs who control the Imperial Senate chose to hear additional testimony from only one of Klorphan's three accusers, as well as from Klorphan himself.  They refused to hear testimony from the only other person in the room when the alleged attack occurred, who also happened to be Klorphan's best friend at the time.  Nor did they make any attempt to seek out any of the other Xorgaxians alleged to be at the party where the attack occurred.

And the testimony of Klorphan was simply bizarre.  In the only public forum he had to prove his innocence, he continued to lie repeatedly under oath.  Again, this is completely inappropriate for a sitting judge, much less someone who aspires to the highest court in the land.  But beyond that, it completely destroys his credibility when he denies the allegations against him.

But rather than end the nomination process then and there --- or even slow it down for further investigation, the Thoog leaders in the Senate actually planned to ram through Klorphan's nomination immediately!  Such a thing is 100% incompatible with Xorgaxian principles of justice or ethics, and can only be attributed to Thoog hyper-partisanship.  It looked like Xorgax was on the brink of a true travesty of justice, until two Xorgaxian survivors of sexual assault confronted a Thoog Senator, and got him to hold up the vote until law enforcement actually conducted an investigation into the allegations against Klorphan.

The investigation just concluded, although it was clearly not a thorough investigation, and it seems quite likely that Emporer Biggott and/or Klorphan's Thoog supporters deliberately impeded the investigation.  In short, the investigation was a sham, designed to give cover to wavering Thoog Senators so they can justify their vote for the lying (and likely sexual predator) Klorphan.

If Emporer Biggott and the Thoogs were interested in the integrity of the Imperial High Court, wouldn't they want a thorough investigation, to find the truth, whatever it may be?  And if Judge Klorphan is truly innocent, wouldn't he want such an investigation?  There is no good explanation for the Thoog party interference, and it is clearly a politically-motivated abuse of power.

Yet in spite of all this, the Thoogs have convinced a substantial portion of the Xorgaxian population that these allegations, and the desire to investigate them fully, is a partisan smear on the part of the Gurphs!

Think about the mental gymnastics required to believe such a thing.  One would need to:

1. Believe that all three women had decided independently to make fabricated claims against Klorphan --- two of them making sworn statements under penalty of perjury and criminal prosecution.
2. Believe that all of the corroborating witnesses (people who had heard these stories either directly from the women or second-hand months or years before Klorphan was ever nominated) are also lying.
3. That the independent experts who have examined the women's claims and found them credible are somehow wrong --- or are also part of the 'smear'.
4. That Thoog politicians believe that all of this is a hyper-partisan and criminal smear on the part of the Gurphs --- but for some reason they don't want the 'smear' to be investigated.
5. Ignore Klorphan's repeated, obvious lies on a range of topics.
6. Ignore the repeated, obvious partisanship of Emporer Biggott and the Thoogs --- and accept their obviously nonsensical claims that the Gurphs are the ones acting with partisan bias.
7. Believe that the Gurphs would orchestrate --- and successfully conceal --- this vast conspiracy to defeat Klorphan's nomination, only so that Emporer Biggott could nominate (and likely get seated) a different judge who will rule in a way that pleases the Thoogs.

They're not the sharpest bunch, the Xorgaxians who support the Thoogs.

Anyway, Judge Klorphan's ultimate fate is still anyone's guess.  It seems likely the Thoogs are still going to put him on the court, in spite of everything.

But maybe not!  If you've read this far and agree that putting Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court would be a hideous mistake, you need to call your Senator immediately (especially if that Senator is a Thoog Republican), and tell them to vote NO on Kavanaugh!  Call:

(202) 224-3121